Bungie’s New Game A Sci-Fi Shooter

Contracts. We all sign them when we want to join a football team or buy a yacht. However deep-dish developer Bungie have gone one step further and put pen to paper on a contract binding them with Activision to make visual videogame entertainment experiences until the heady days of 2020.

“I’d rather sign a contract binding me with the new Chickin’ McGrillin’ sandwich now available at all good McDonalds near you than sign anything with those guys. Coincidentally, the sandwich is crammed with flavour containing”, a spokeswoman went on to affirm.

Legal documents uncovered by the Lost Angeles Times detail that a new game codenamed ‘Destiny’ will be released for The Official Microsoft Xbox 360 Console in 2013 and possibly for next generation Xbox Entertainment Enforcing Consoles of next generation quality if they so happen to exist by the aforementioned time. The aforementioned time is 2013.  Playstation 3 and PC versions are also a possibility but only to be released at a later time in 2014. Whether this is Destiny’s destiny is yet to be destined.  

To make head or tails of the pertaining sheet of paper(s), we spoke to Jaylo Halo at Bungie to confirm the existence of the space videogame shooter: “We at Bungie are proud to announce our new videogame that will enthral all in the near future. At first, I suggested the name in the boardroom of Future Enthraller. Many frowned faces were a’pointing so I had to bring round the drinks for the rest of the day. I’m not going to make that mistake again. That’s what fuels us here at Bungie to make great games. Just because we stopped making Halos doesn’t mean you can start running rings around us.” When pushed for further precise exact detail of Bungie’s Destiny, lemonades were thrown in our general direction.

But what of the newly appointed universe that’s set to appear in the Activision endorsed and affiliated product?

“They need to build a world that’s going to last until all four games and expansions are out by 2020”, said one Halo ODST fan queuing outside a Gamestation that had closed down. “This reminds me of the story, the man who built his house on the sand. He built and built, very close to the shore. The water lapped by the bricks, solidifying the sand underneath creating a strong pillar for the house. My only concern is that Activision isn’t sandy. If I walk on Kottick’s face, what do I get between my toes? That’s something for Bungie to research. Hey why isn’t this store open, it’s half 12?”

Over everything else that is happening in the jam filled centre of the FPS donut, do Bungie look set to join that creative, sticky core? It’s certainly possible that they’ll even be competing with Respawn’s shooter.

“It’s like a dual lightsaber battle”, said one spokeswoman. “CoD and MoH do battle in the left hands and Respawn and Bungie fight in the other”. When we pressed EA for comment, they responded: “I don’t even know what you’re talking about. What do you mean what hand do I hold Medal of Honor in?”

Mirror's Edge 2 and Battlefield: Bad Company 3 Outed On CV

No videogame can escape the wrath of the LinkedIn profile. That’s because it’s managed to squeeze its chunky McCain Oven Chips-like fingers around the existence of Mirror’s Edge 2 and Battlefield: Bad Company 3.

“The LinkedIn has become the LinkedOut”, commented one spokeswoman.

Within the hollow, burdened interiors of EA, lights flicker and employees tarnish the names of other games from similar companies that tackle themes of high speed bullets but do they endorse full production of games called Fifa 13, Mirror’s Edge 2, Battlefield: Bad Company 3 and Bloodrayne 3? Wholeheartedly, perhaps, we’ll certainly find out and not unless you payed them.

It’s because the games are on a Curriculum Vitae, out there on the internet, out there in the abyss, that games are revealed and teased for the delectation and fascination of all. Of course, a publisher as large as Electronic Arts entertainment publisher experience can afford to gamble, dash the chips across the table and work on a game to then cancel it if all does not warm the cockles of the heads and gamers. Heads and Gamers is coming to 3DS this Christmas.  

We spoke to Humphry Runner, head of speed visualization at Dice, who replied to rumours: “If you want the game so much, someone should run a petition. Get it? But no, in all seriousness I don’t know what a Mirror’s Edge 2 is. There’s nothing like that happening at EA. There’s nothing left to say. Now I’m going to have to ask you to leave because we have an Israeli news company having a look around at 2”.

But that is not all that is stacked high on the rumour stack as sequel to Battlefield: Bad Company and Battlefield: Bad Company 2 comes Battlefield: Bad Company 3, or so it is to be believed by those frivolous, haughty rumours. As seems clear like the opaque clarity of a bordered window, the Battlefield and Medal of Honor shooter franchise enthralments switch releases every year for EA (Electro Artisimo). As the gap between Battlefield 2 and Battlefield 3 was as seismic as the Gods that bestow us with blessings, Battlefield: Bad Company 3 seems like a likely, candid release for Frosty Winter 2013.

“Many gamers will be chilly enough for Bad Company 3’s hot gun toting bombast blowing”, affirmed one spokeswoman.

To confirm the plausibility of the existence of the video computer war game, we contacted Jeff Commando, VP of real-time terror renderer, who responded: “Lets get one thing straight; we blew all awards away with our extremely feared yet loved entertainment experience Battlefield 3. Yet to reach those sales, we exploited the vulnerability of the other pop culture undertaking, Battlefield: Bad Company 2. We used it as a stepping stone to rise to glory; rise to extreme sales. If we keep making stepping stones, who knows where we’ll be? Space? The thing is we already did a spacey space aesthetic called Battlefield 2142. And that was a good few stepping stones away. It could come full circle. That’s M.C Escher levels of scary. This ties into my new book, a synergy between our online computer game and optical illusions, ‘Escher’s EMP Grenade’”.

Real answers are hidden within the future and cannot be determined by the past (apart from the computer war gun game Battlefield: Bad Company 3 which can be found in prior paragraphs). With E3 coming round the mountain when it comes, all gamers can only hold their breath for the announcement of these games. But do EA hold their breath for the reception? Only lungs will tell.