Nintendo Reports First Annual Loss

Nintendo, they who deal in the business of visualizing trade people that specialize in fixing housing draining systems, have posted a loss. They have posted a loss and it’s not looking magnífico el spendo. 

“It’s ironic that for a business that operates within 3D, their results have fallen flat”, said one spokeswoman. 

Things aren’t as terrible as they may seem for what is Nintendo’s first ever annual loss but it’s a bruise that’s going to hurt come winter. For the full 12 months, the amount contained within one year, they previously estimated losing $800 million but in the end their hands carried more friction than they realised as that loss was in fact a meagre, penny-like $532 million. The 3DS still managed to underperform, evoking such classic tales as ‘The Tortoise And The Hare’ and ‘How To Burn A Handheld On A Hob’, selling 13.5m units worldwide. Nintendo predicted 14 million, 5 million down from the initial 16 million and that’s bad math. 

We spoke with Reggie Fils-Gaime, VP of rumble at Nintendo, who claimed: “We have nothing to worry about. I mean, I personally go to bed with the night light on but the company, as a business is safe and secure, tucked up under a duvet of profit. Who knows where we’ll be next year. We’ll gorge on Wii U console experience and with New Super Mario. 2 lurking around the corner, family friendly fun will await all who will do anything to buy our games. Anyone would think we’re not putting out content and giving bad advice” Reggie Fils-Gaime started handing out pamphlets on high speed unicycle riding shortly after. 

But how did a company so nausea-inducing, so fine-tuned become so spurious this financial season.  Nintendo claim they have what it takes to lift off out of the spilled frozen isle but many are dubious at the claims of their wallet mop up. 

“When they were wasting all that time with Brain Training, they were really brain maiming if you know what I’m saying”, says Francesca Cashyagold. “They need to get back on that horse, back on the saddle and ride those hardcore elite like the feisty bulls they are. Console complacency doesn’t come ‘till you got your handhelds fixed but like I always say, you can’t kick a pimp and sing kumbaya.”

Indeed, who knows when the mascot-fuelled entertainment corporation takes to selling products that sell. But as Nintendo go for half time, who’s buying the hot dogs and mustard?