Sony Focus On Games As 10,000 Jobs Are Lost

Sony have long stayed awake through a foreboding night where scary old men knock on their doors, purporting to be friends of the family. They have made an annual loss of a lot of money, the sum of that money being the following: $6.4bn. Shares in the firm are anything but firm as they’ve dropped seven percent. 10,000 jobs are expected to go and the old men still rattle away on the door knock. 

“I wouldn’t work there if you payed me”, one spokeswoman said. 

 Sony appears dumbfounded, in this digital, disposable age. We spoke to Haz Kirai about their position within the market: “Sorry, what was the question, let me turn the TV down?”

But as they move on into the night, through the blaze of deficit, one word is cried into the sky of shares: convergence. 

“We didn’t see it coming”, said Jim Stagnation, head of sales growth at Sony. “We put the televisions on the shelf, we put them out there. No one bought our high-definition clean screens and when we put 3D technology in them, no one bought them more. It’s a confusing state. It’s a cold, bleak condition out there. Surely pumping your children with coats and hats and scarves is the right thing to do. I should have never listened to my mother.” Jim Stagnation was escorted off the premises after burning an obscured Polaroid image. 

There is light at the end of the tunnel however. “It’s all about hooking everything up, much like a TV but not those because they don’t sell”, added Haz Kirai.

“Before, despite Sony comprising many different departments, our divisions were asunder. For example, our movie and games departments were separate. But they were separate for a reason. At lunch times we used to get a few heads of each department and throw them into the kitchen and make them wrestle. The Janitor came in early one time and told us, ‘this isn’t right; this isn’t how it’s supposed to be’. It resonated with me emotionally and so now we’re focusing on grouping everything together because there’s no WWE in ‘team’. We’re calling it One Sony”.

One spokeswoman affirmed: “There was always one Sony, what is he on about?”

As news reached fans of Sony games and films, some suggested the idea of the new Spiderman featuring in the next Uncharted. Naughty Dog issued a statement, “We at Naughty Dog are proud of Nathan Drake who we have nursed through three games but our enemies are slow. We represent this through their footwear as they’re big and heavy. Fighting Spiderman wouldn’t make for smooth gameplay; I just couldn’t shoot that”. 

Sony has shown their ability to ride out the storm and come out the other end without televisions on their shelves. If Sony are thirsty for more, only One Sony will prove that they’re hydrating themselves effectively.